Baby Showers (part two)
Yesterday, we started a discussion about baby showers. Today, we pick up with where we left off: surviving a baby shower when you are not happy with where you are in the procreating cycle.
First of all, let me start by saying, if you are truly dreading attending a baby shower, you do not have to go. You may think you have to, but you really truly do not. Start by asking yourself honestly, will I be able to enjoy myself? If not, will I be able to hide that I am not enjoying myself? Do I want to go if I have to pretend that I am having a good time? If you answered 'No' to any of these questions, consider declining, not only for yourself, but also for the sake of your preggo girlfriend. If you aren't going to be able to keep it together, it may put a damper on her day as well.
If you decide to decline, send a card or a present with your congratulations. If it is a close friend, consider calling her and telling her why you aren't going, and maybe offer to take her out for lunch or something similar later when it can be just the two of you and the baby paraphenilia and games can be kept to a minimum.
Regardless of whether you go or decline, when it comes to obtaining a shower gift,
DON'T GO SHOPPING FOR IT YOURSELF! Trust me, I went to Babies 'R Us almost 2 months after my miscarriage without even thinking about what I was about to do. I left on the verge of tears because every where I went there were things for babies, actual babies, pregnant women and pregnant women with actual babies. I mean, I know, what did I expect? It is a store called "BABIES 'R US" for FS, but like I said, I did it on impulse before I really thought about whether it was a good idea. I don't recommend it. Buy your present off her registry online, or if the thought of online shopping for baby stuff is also too much, get her a gift card. Trust me, whatever it is, she won't appreciate it any less because you didn't torment yourself in order to obtain it.
If you put off shopping because of the dread and now have no time left to wait for an online gift to be delivered, get a Target gift card, or go to a bookstore and pick up some kids books. Those stores are likely going to be less traumatic than a babies 'r us type box store and believe me, if you are attending in person, you need to save your strength for the actual shower.
Now, the really hard part. You have decided to attend the baby shower in person. What to do? First off, recognize that it may be hard and there may be moments where you can't help but cry. Fortunately, at most baby showers, a few tears can be explained away with a "I am such a baby, I always tear up at these things." But a serious sob is not likely going to be as easily explained away. When you get to the shower, find out where the bathroom is and sit somewhere where you can easily make a bee line to it if you are overwhelmed. If you can't take it, get up and go to the bathroom and let yourself have a cry. Probably best if you don't wear eye make up, so you don't end up looking like a raccoon if you do end up tearing up. When you are ready, go back to the shower.
Be prepared with a response if someone notices you are crying. I think an honest answer is the best way to go. People will understand and you'll likely feel better if you come out and say, Thanks, I am fine but my husband and I have been trying to conceive for a long time and I just suddenly became overwhelmed thinking about how badly I also want a baby. Or, I just recently had a miscarriage and while I am so happy for my preggo girlfriend (although maybe you should use her actual name) I just couldn't help but miss my little one. And if you feel it is necessary you can add on, I was afraid that I might become emotional, but I just really wanted to be here to support what's her name. (Although, I don't actually think any of you wonderful ladies who undergo this torment for your friend should feel the need to apologize).
Prepare yourself for questions you may get asked by other guests in attendance. These could be anything from, the dreaded so when are you going to start a family, to questions about when you are due if someone knew you were pregnant but hasn't heard about your loss. Even if it is something as simple as, Oh, I don't know, but today is so and so's day, doesn't she look great? having a short answer prepared will make it easier to get through the day than if you let someone catch you off guard.
Finally, if it becomes too much, find your friend, wish her all the best, tell her you are so sorry but you have to bolt early, and then get the heck out of there.
When it is done, reconize you might still be sad and reward yourself for having attended and survived.
Tomorrow, we continue our exploration of baby showers. This time, when it is for you.
Until then, FTTA!
First of all, let me start by saying, if you are truly dreading attending a baby shower, you do not have to go. You may think you have to, but you really truly do not. Start by asking yourself honestly, will I be able to enjoy myself? If not, will I be able to hide that I am not enjoying myself? Do I want to go if I have to pretend that I am having a good time? If you answered 'No' to any of these questions, consider declining, not only for yourself, but also for the sake of your preggo girlfriend. If you aren't going to be able to keep it together, it may put a damper on her day as well.
If you decide to decline, send a card or a present with your congratulations. If it is a close friend, consider calling her and telling her why you aren't going, and maybe offer to take her out for lunch or something similar later when it can be just the two of you and the baby paraphenilia and games can be kept to a minimum.
Regardless of whether you go or decline, when it comes to obtaining a shower gift,
DON'T GO SHOPPING FOR IT YOURSELF! Trust me, I went to Babies 'R Us almost 2 months after my miscarriage without even thinking about what I was about to do. I left on the verge of tears because every where I went there were things for babies, actual babies, pregnant women and pregnant women with actual babies. I mean, I know, what did I expect? It is a store called "BABIES 'R US" for FS, but like I said, I did it on impulse before I really thought about whether it was a good idea. I don't recommend it. Buy your present off her registry online, or if the thought of online shopping for baby stuff is also too much, get her a gift card. Trust me, whatever it is, she won't appreciate it any less because you didn't torment yourself in order to obtain it.
If you put off shopping because of the dread and now have no time left to wait for an online gift to be delivered, get a Target gift card, or go to a bookstore and pick up some kids books. Those stores are likely going to be less traumatic than a babies 'r us type box store and believe me, if you are attending in person, you need to save your strength for the actual shower.
Now, the really hard part. You have decided to attend the baby shower in person. What to do? First off, recognize that it may be hard and there may be moments where you can't help but cry. Fortunately, at most baby showers, a few tears can be explained away with a "I am such a baby, I always tear up at these things." But a serious sob is not likely going to be as easily explained away. When you get to the shower, find out where the bathroom is and sit somewhere where you can easily make a bee line to it if you are overwhelmed. If you can't take it, get up and go to the bathroom and let yourself have a cry. Probably best if you don't wear eye make up, so you don't end up looking like a raccoon if you do end up tearing up. When you are ready, go back to the shower.
Be prepared with a response if someone notices you are crying. I think an honest answer is the best way to go. People will understand and you'll likely feel better if you come out and say, Thanks, I am fine but my husband and I have been trying to conceive for a long time and I just suddenly became overwhelmed thinking about how badly I also want a baby. Or, I just recently had a miscarriage and while I am so happy for my preggo girlfriend (although maybe you should use her actual name) I just couldn't help but miss my little one. And if you feel it is necessary you can add on, I was afraid that I might become emotional, but I just really wanted to be here to support what's her name. (Although, I don't actually think any of you wonderful ladies who undergo this torment for your friend should feel the need to apologize).
Prepare yourself for questions you may get asked by other guests in attendance. These could be anything from, the dreaded so when are you going to start a family, to questions about when you are due if someone knew you were pregnant but hasn't heard about your loss. Even if it is something as simple as, Oh, I don't know, but today is so and so's day, doesn't she look great? having a short answer prepared will make it easier to get through the day than if you let someone catch you off guard.
Finally, if it becomes too much, find your friend, wish her all the best, tell her you are so sorry but you have to bolt early, and then get the heck out of there.
When it is done, reconize you might still be sad and reward yourself for having attended and survived.
Tomorrow, we continue our exploration of baby showers. This time, when it is for you.
Until then, FTTA!
Labels: Baby Showers
posted by priyahowell at 7:04 AM
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