Baby Showers
I remember the last baby shower I attended before my husband and I started trying to have a baby. I spent hours shopping at Babies 'R Us--eventually picking out a high chair that was on her registry, and a matching jumper that was not. And to add to the cuteness factor, I picked out a little bathing suit and t-shirt, since my friend had just bought a house with a pool. I bought wrapping paper, a card and matching ribbon. I spent hours wrapping boxes, trying to make the blocks on the edges of the wrapping paper line up where they met on the edges. I picked out an outfit to wear and I did my hair. I think I even wore lipstick.
The shower itself was at a tea garden. We sat outside on a beautiful day and marveled at how well my friend was carrying her little guy. When we started opening presents, my friend's mother read a poem she had written for her. As I sat there, full of tea sandwiches and apricot tea, I couldn't help but tear up. It wasn't Shakespeare but I felt truly moved listening to this mother share her feelings about her own baby's journey into motherhood. Right then, I decided: I loved baby showers and I couldn't wait for someday to have my own.
It took us a long time to get there, but practically the day after I got my BFP, my sister started planning my 30th birthday/baby shower combo, my best friend started planning the henna party baby shower she would throw for me, and I started planning the cute outfits I would find to wear to both of them. Life was good as visions of pastel party favors and diaper shaped cakes danced in my head.
But needless to say, while a BFP changes your life, a miscarriage does not change it back.
Women who have experienced a loss, or are struggling to get pregnant, often dread the thought of attending a baby shower, and with good reason. Although we are very happy for you, and believe me I have yet to meet a woman who would wish what she was going through on anyone else, we are sad for ourselves. Being at a party where the theme is something you want so desperately but can't have is at the least unpleasant and at the worst torture. (And if you still aren't convinced, let me try this, imagine being Jennifer Aniston at Brangelina's wedding. OK, maybe she isn't actually happy for them, but still, you get the point.)
However, the thing about Baby Shower's doesn't stop there. If you have experienced a loss in the past, you may also be struggling with the decision of whether to have a baby shower when you do conceive again. Many women are excited to celebrate their success after a loss and the arrival of their little one, but others might be afraid of "jinxing" their pregnancy or the trauma of having baby stuff in their home if something (God forbid) should go wrong again.
This entry begins the Snide Crumpet's multi-part look at baby showers. Tomorrow, we begin by looking at how to survive a baby shower for someone else when you are less than content with your own place in the cycle of reproduction.
I remember the last baby shower I attended before my husband and I started trying to have a baby. I spent hours shopping at Babies 'R Us--eventually picking out a high chair that was on her registry, and a matching jumper that was not. And to add to the cuteness factor, I picked out a little bathing suit and t-shirt, since my friend had just bought a house with a pool. I bought wrapping paper, a card and matching ribbon. I spent hours wrapping boxes, trying to make the blocks on the edges of the wrapping paper line up where they met on the edges. I picked out an outfit to wear and I did my hair. I think I even wore lipstick.
The shower itself was at a tea garden. We sat outside on a beautiful day and marveled at how well my friend was carrying her little guy. When we started opening presents, my friend's mother read a poem she had written for her. As I sat there, full of tea sandwiches and apricot tea, I couldn't help but tear up. It wasn't Shakespeare but I felt truly moved listening to this mother share her feelings about her own baby's journey into motherhood. Right then, I decided: I loved baby showers and I couldn't wait for someday to have my own.
It took us a long time to get there, but practically the day after I got my BFP, my sister started planning my 30th birthday/baby shower combo, my best friend started planning the henna party baby shower she would throw for me, and I started planning the cute outfits I would find to wear to both of them. Life was good as visions of pastel party favors and diaper shaped cakes danced in my head.
But needless to say, while a BFP changes your life, a miscarriage does not change it back.
Women who have experienced a loss, or are struggling to get pregnant, often dread the thought of attending a baby shower, and with good reason. Although we are very happy for you, and believe me I have yet to meet a woman who would wish what she was going through on anyone else, we are sad for ourselves. Being at a party where the theme is something you want so desperately but can't have is at the least unpleasant and at the worst torture. (And if you still aren't convinced, let me try this, imagine being Jennifer Aniston at Brangelina's wedding. OK, maybe she isn't actually happy for them, but still, you get the point.)
However, the thing about Baby Shower's doesn't stop there. If you have experienced a loss in the past, you may also be struggling with the decision of whether to have a baby shower when you do conceive again. Many women are excited to celebrate their success after a loss and the arrival of their little one, but others might be afraid of "jinxing" their pregnancy or the trauma of having baby stuff in their home if something (God forbid) should go wrong again.
This entry begins the Snide Crumpet's multi-part look at baby showers. Tomorrow, we begin by looking at how to survive a baby shower for someone else when you are less than content with your own place in the cycle of reproduction.
Labels: Baby Showers
posted by priyahowell at 10:24 AM
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