in honor of my attempt at not cursing...

If you are TTC, having trouble TTC, or especially if you have had a pregnancy loss, the message boards on thebump.com are a great resource and system of support (brought to you by the same folks who brought you theknot to help you plan your wedding and thenest to help you decorate your first home).

Today's entry is inspired by bumpie someflower6:

"in honor of my attempt at not cursing

my parents are over, and they're fighting. they're visiting from florida, i haven't seen them in a few weeks, we should be having a nice time bonding and catching up and i'm hiding out in a spare bedroom-- IN MY HOUSE-- while they argue downstairs.

wth. either stfu or gtfo.

ffs, i'm still mourning over here...."

someflower6 lost her peanut at 10w2d. She will always remember that baby, and I know that years from now, when I think back on the little one I lost, I will remember her and her baby too, as well as the babies of the many other women who I met on thebump miscarriage/pregnancy loss board when I didn't have anyone else to talk to. [Side bar: Yes, I know. I said baby, not fetus, and yes, I know, I am pro choice. But that is a topic for another day. Today, is about schooling you on how to behave proper.]

Having trouble conceiving and having a loss are certainly not the same thing, but these ladies have a lot in common--We are all scared that we may not be able to have a H&H baby no matter how hard we try or how long we wait. We are sad and frustrated. Even though there are so many of us out there, we feel alone because often times our friends and family can't relate and may not realize how difficult and emotional it can be. The fact that those closest to us may not understand or may try to minimize how bad things are, even though it is with the best of intentions, makes the woman who is struggling to have a baby and the woman who just had a loss feel isolated and alone.

I know what you are thinking--aren't these topics personal? Won't she feel awkward and uncomfortable if I bring it up? Listen to me people--you didn't feel awkward buying her skanky lingerie for her shower, you weren't uncomfortable discussing your last pap or your last random fling, and, you didn't bat an eye lash before asking her when they were going to start popping out kids. Now, when she needs a friend and support, is not the time to start taking the decorum high ground! (BTW, for a look into the when are you going to get pregnant question, and just some of the reasons not to ask it, check out this article by Linda M. McCloud.)

So, FFS people, if you know someone who is going through this, ask them how they are doing. Don't avoid talking about it because you are afraid it will be too awkward. And when you talk to her, don't say dismissive things like, don't worry, it'll be ok, but instead, try: I can't really imagine what you are going through (unless you actually have been through it, in which case, you probably don't need this lecture) but I hope that some how things will work out for you. And if you can't do that, stfu AND gtho!

P.S. If you can't figure out what the acronyms in this post stand for, I cannot help you.

P.P.S. For another site on how to address a pregnancy loss, check out someflower6's website.

FTTA!