Baby Showers (part three)
Continuing our discussion of baby showers, it has become common place and practically expected for a woman to have a baby shower for her first child, and often times for the second or third (or fourth) child, as well. When a woman discovers she is pregnant, people take for granted that she will have a smooth pregnancy and deliver a healthy baby. However, even today, many women have miscarriages or lose children during or immediately after child birth. If you have experienced such a loss in the past, or maybe even if you have not, you may be wondering whether or not you really want to have a baby shower before your child has safely arrived.
In many traditions, it was or still is considered bad luck to have a baby shower before the child is born. (For a couple of great article I found on the topic, click here or here. )
As we've previously said, some women decide to wait until after the baby is born because they are worried that having a baby shower before the birth might "jinx" their new arrival. This feeling is only natural. A woman that has previously experienced a loss is likely more concerned with the fragility of the little life she carries and once you have it in your head that it may be bad for that little life to have a baby shower, it is difficult to actually enjoy the festivities.
And, while I hate to say it, I think this conversation would be incomplete if I didn't acknowledge that, at least in the back of my mind, there is the fear of having these items in your home as an incredibly painful reminder if (again God forbid) you again experiences a loss.
On the other hand, many women that have had miscarriages want to embrace the planning process. They take the view that if they stop planning, they are letting their anxiety take over. Some even felt that if their child knew in the future that they had put off shopping, or planning, etc. that that child may someday feel that their parents weren't excited for his or her arrival, or that they refused to get attached to that child because of their prior loss.
I think our now frequent contributor WearingRed summed it up best:
"I know I still will be afraid of another miscarriage but I am not letting that stop me from looking ahead and being happy. I know I am going to have my bad days but today is not one of them (mental I am still having all day nausea which I am grateful for). I will not let my past dictate my future! And I will not let my Fear control my life."
No one can tell you which way you should feel or whether or not to have a baby shower. The one thing I can say though is don't let the preference of someone who wants to host a shower or a Meet the Baby for you dictate what you do. Many of the ladies on thebump agreed that a Meet the Baby can be fun because people get to, duh, meet the baby! In addition, there can be practical benefits. For example, if you aren't going to find out whether you are having a boy or girl, having the shower afterwards means your friends and family don't have to stick to yellows and greens. If you have a big baby, you can let people know so that you don't get inundated with clothes for newborns when your progeny is already built for the 3-6 month size and so on.
On the other hand (I know I have run out of hands by this point in the article), it could be stressful if it is planned for your home since, as the parent to a newborn, you may not be up to a ton of visitors and generally it is a good idea to not expose your baby to too many people until they get vaccinated at 2 months. (Although, there is nothing mandating you do a meet the baby right away except that you may already have most of the essentials by then.)
Alternatively, having a Meet the Baby party may allow you to incorporate cultural or religious rituals in the same weekend (such as a bris, a baptism or a namakaran just to name a few) and enable friends and family who wouldn't be able to make both events in a short period of time, to participate. You can always ask people to wash their hands before holding the baby, or just hold the baby yourself and make up an excuse to not pass him or her around (Sorry Aunt Jane, Junior has been spitting up a lot and I'd hate for him to ruin your floral blouse!)
Whatever you do, remember that the most important thing is to minimize stress to yourself while you are pregnant so go with what makes you happy!
FTTA!
In many traditions, it was or still is considered bad luck to have a baby shower before the child is born. (For a couple of great article I found on the topic, click here or here. )
As we've previously said, some women decide to wait until after the baby is born because they are worried that having a baby shower before the birth might "jinx" their new arrival. This feeling is only natural. A woman that has previously experienced a loss is likely more concerned with the fragility of the little life she carries and once you have it in your head that it may be bad for that little life to have a baby shower, it is difficult to actually enjoy the festivities.
And, while I hate to say it, I think this conversation would be incomplete if I didn't acknowledge that, at least in the back of my mind, there is the fear of having these items in your home as an incredibly painful reminder if (again God forbid) you again experiences a loss.
On the other hand, many women that have had miscarriages want to embrace the planning process. They take the view that if they stop planning, they are letting their anxiety take over. Some even felt that if their child knew in the future that they had put off shopping, or planning, etc. that that child may someday feel that their parents weren't excited for his or her arrival, or that they refused to get attached to that child because of their prior loss.
I think our now frequent contributor WearingRed summed it up best:
"I know I still will be afraid of another miscarriage but I am not letting that stop me from looking ahead and being happy. I know I am going to have my bad days but today is not one of them (mental I am still having all day nausea which I am grateful for). I will not let my past dictate my future! And I will not let my Fear control my life."
No one can tell you which way you should feel or whether or not to have a baby shower. The one thing I can say though is don't let the preference of someone who wants to host a shower or a Meet the Baby for you dictate what you do. Many of the ladies on thebump agreed that a Meet the Baby can be fun because people get to, duh, meet the baby! In addition, there can be practical benefits. For example, if you aren't going to find out whether you are having a boy or girl, having the shower afterwards means your friends and family don't have to stick to yellows and greens. If you have a big baby, you can let people know so that you don't get inundated with clothes for newborns when your progeny is already built for the 3-6 month size and so on.
On the other hand (I know I have run out of hands by this point in the article), it could be stressful if it is planned for your home since, as the parent to a newborn, you may not be up to a ton of visitors and generally it is a good idea to not expose your baby to too many people until they get vaccinated at 2 months. (Although, there is nothing mandating you do a meet the baby right away except that you may already have most of the essentials by then.)
Alternatively, having a Meet the Baby party may allow you to incorporate cultural or religious rituals in the same weekend (such as a bris, a baptism or a namakaran just to name a few) and enable friends and family who wouldn't be able to make both events in a short period of time, to participate. You can always ask people to wash their hands before holding the baby, or just hold the baby yourself and make up an excuse to not pass him or her around (Sorry Aunt Jane, Junior has been spitting up a lot and I'd hate for him to ruin your floral blouse!)
Whatever you do, remember that the most important thing is to minimize stress to yourself while you are pregnant so go with what makes you happy!
FTTA!
Labels: Baby Showers
posted by priyahowell at 10:28 AM
1 Comments:
Thank you for your inclusion of my point of view. You are an awesome writer and I will be sending people your way if they need some inspiration after a loss.
-WearingRed
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